my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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