There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
