I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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