i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
