i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
