it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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