And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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