If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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