pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
