I want to have your abortion
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
