i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm really busy with my period
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