what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
