omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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