1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
