The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
