So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
my liver is dry heaving
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
