At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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