Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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