Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
