Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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