You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
