Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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