I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
