She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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