I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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