I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
