I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can't turn off my feet"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
