I forgot how hot balto sounded
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
