i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
