JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize