That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
