I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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