new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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