you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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