Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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