Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What a dumb baby whore.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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