if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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