I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it glows. i had to have it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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