i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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