Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
