Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
