so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
