It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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