I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
