I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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