my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
