Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
