I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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