I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
