i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
