Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
