playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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