Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
