It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
