Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
