And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
