Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just blew my weed a kiss
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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