Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
