I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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