i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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