i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize