your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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