I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
