I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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