I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
