I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
