Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
