My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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