I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
