Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
