I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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