If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
