The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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