I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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