i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
