At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
