Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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