how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
No subtext here. People are naked.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
