go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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