I'm going to jail i love you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
