i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
