Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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