i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
