Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
